I am a fraud.
Well, I feel like one, most days.
I’ve been sharing my work on the internet for 15 years, and every day, I’m waiting to be told “who let you in here?”
Of course, this isn’t unique in any way.
Maya Angelou, one of the most celebrated authors of the 20th century, struggled with Impostor Syndrome too:
I have written eleven books, but each time I think, “Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody and they’re going to find me out.”
If Maya Angelou felt like a fraud, where’s the hope for the rest of us in overcoming it?
Let’s see what we can uncover…
Alex Garland, the Fraud?
Alex Garland’s career is legendary.
He began as a fiction writer, and his book The Beach was adapted into a cult classic film starring Leonardo DiCaprio. He had so much fun on set that he decided he would just write screenplays instead.
So then he wrote 28 Days Later, DREDD, Sunshine, and other incredible films.
And then he decided to try his hand at directing.
His first film?
One of the most thought provoking science-fiction films in decades. He followed up with the fantastic Annihilation and with DEVS, a criminally underrated show that needs to be seen (so that we can talk about it).
Looking at Garland’s career from the outside, it appears to be one successful creative venture after another, over decades.
Which is why his New York Times interview from a few years ago jumped out. Garland was deciding whether not he would continue directing:
“I’m tired of feeling like a fraud…I’ve got so many other reasons to feel like a fraud, I don’t need to add to it in a structural way with my job.”
“I’m not really a film director, I’m a writer who directs out of convenience.”
Fortunately, Garland managed to overcome this self-loathing and stepped back into the director’s chair. His film Men was bizarre and haunting, and I can’t wait to see his new film, Civil War.
Let’s keep the director party going.
Cord Jefferson on taking chances
Cord Jefferson is the writer and director of the delightful American Fiction.
A writer on shows like The Good Place, Master of None, and HBO’s Watchmen, American Fiction was Jefferson’s first feature length screenplay and first time directing.
He nailed it on both fronts.
On Bill Simmons’s podcast, Simmons asked Jefferson how he knew he was going to be a great director. He obviously replied he had no idea if he would be good.
But here’s what he did know:
The first person who gave me the idea that maybe I should direct is Aziz Ansari.
I was working on Season 2 of Master of None and we were talking, and Aziz was like ‘have you ever thought about directing?’ because he was directing a few of the episodes of that season…
…I said, “naw, I didn’t go to film school, I don’t know anything about lenses or cameras or anything, so it doesn’t seem right for me.”
And he was like, “Dude, I went to NYU for business school. Last year I got nominated for a Golden Globe for directing. It’s not like I went to film school. All you have to have is a vision in your mind and be able to articulate that vision to the people that you hire to be around you.”
Jefferson then shared a story on The Big Picture about his first day on set directing:
The most terrifying thing was the first day I almost passed out on set. I was so afraid I had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom and like do some breathing exercises, because I really felt like I was going to black out.
And I was like, “that won’t inspire the confidence if you’re your first day on set, you black out in front of everybody.
…We had a really rough first day because I was very afraid of [Actor Jeffry Wright]. I was intimidated by him and I really thought like, “Who am I to tell Jeffrey Wright how to act, you know?”
And the thing that I learned quickly though was that Jeffrey wanted to collaborate…He didn’t want me to sort of sit on the sidelines and let him do his thing.
He wanted me to come in and talk about the scene with him and sort of like, tell him what I liked, what I didn’t like, all of a sudden I was like, Oh, he’s craving this.”
I got better and I got better and I got better and after the first week, I felt like I really hit my stride.
So how the hell do we get from almost passing out in a bathroom, and feeling like a fraud, to work up the courage to put our work out into the world, especially when the stakes are high?
Overcoming Impostor Syndrome
As anybody who has successfully navigated Impostor Syndrome, and you’ll hear the same things:
- It’s a sign that you really care
- Nobody else knows what they’re doing either
- Don’t compare yourself to others, only to you
- This is a voice in your head you don’t need to listen to
This is all true…but here’s a bit more wisdom that might be specifically helpful.
Here’s Cord Jefferson again, on what gave him the confidence to try this project in particular for his first film:
…I felt like “even if I don’t know this other sh**, I know the story that I’m gonna tell, and that can be my guide when I make all these other decisions that I don’t know about.”
In other words, he knew this material inside and out, better than anybody else.
There was plenty about directing he didn’t know, but he knew the important parts, which made him feel less anxious about asking for help in other areas.
I’m also reminded of a great quote from author and professor Adam Grant:
“When multiple people believe in you, it’s probably time to believe them.
When you think others are overestimating you, it’s more likely that you’re underestimating yourself.”
Make sure you know your stuff. The impostor syndrome might be your brain saying “make sure you really know what you’re putting out there.”
But don’t forget, you’re probably in the position you are because other people believed in you.
They might even have a better perspective on your potential than you do.
And when you see a lot of people believing in you, it’s probably a good idea to start believing them.
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