Today’s essay is about two of my favorite Canadians.

One of them is a real-life friend.

The other is a fictional character.

Both had a profound impact on my life over the past few years.

My friend Jodi Ettenberg, a recovering lawyer, spent a decade traveling the world, sharing wonderful stories of the people she met and the delicious meals she ate. 

Eight years ago, everything changed. 

A routine lumbar puncture went wrong and Jodi has been dealing with a continuous and painful spinal cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) leak.

As a result, Jodi’s world shrunk to the size of her apartment, where she now spends most days in bed and unable to move.

After a series of unsuccessful repairs, setbacks, and heartbreaking updates, there doesn’t appear to be a cure or progress in Jodi’s future. I’ve been in awe of Jodi’s grace through this entire experience.

I initially shared her story last year in an essay about “acceptance over toxic positivity:” and how her journey through anger to acceptance moved me to tears:

“I learned that when you generate hatred or animosity, you’re the first victim. 

I have such a limited amount of bandwidth each day, I realized how much of that I was using up on anger. I needed to use that bandwidth for the things that actually mattered. I had to move toward acceptance.”

This past week, Jodi shared another update about her life that coincidentally lined up with my viewing of the latest season of my favorite comedy on TV. 

Shoresy is the best show you’re not watching

Shoresy is the last name of the main character in a show on Hulu by the same name.

It’s about Canadians who play amateur hockey, in the same way Ted Lasso is about dudes on a English football club: 

The sport is second to the brilliant banter and wholesome camaraderie between characters.  

It’s crude, it’s vulgar, and it has more heart than any show like this deserves to have.

Oh, and it also has an unreal soundtrack that I listen to on repeat.

It’s not for everybody, but I’ve never encountered a show that can make me belly laugh as much as it can move me to tears with its sincerity.

*Spoilers ahead — but they won’t ruin your enjoyment of the show if you plan on watching.*

In the recently released 4th season, Shoresy is trying to figure out what to do with his life after retiring from playing hockey due to too many concussions.

He sits down with the owner of the hockey club, Natalie, who shares her own journey with acceptance and mental health after her mom passed away:

“After my mom died, I got a shrink.

I gave my mom a lot of love.

And my therapist said, ‘now that she’s gone, you need to find a place to put that love.’”

Nat decided to put her love into managing the hockey club, helping the local community, and investing in her players. 

She shares this story with Shoresy, who feels rudderless after losing his identity as a hockey player.

This is where my two favorite Canadians cross paths.

If you don’t know where to go, go where you’re needed

As Shoresy is trying to figure out his purpose in life and where to put his love, he’s reminded of something he was told earlier in the season:

“If you don’t know where to go, go where you’re needed.”

As Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl explains, finding ways to help others can provide much needed meaning in our lives, especially if we have had our identity stolen or life has changed. 

Jodi’s identity as a world traveling entrepreneur was taken from her. She still had a lot of love to give, but she had to first accept that her world was irrevocably changed:

“…as I’ve written prior, acceptance is a process — not a simple choice. 

Eventually, it becomes a choice you can make on a daily basis, but to get to that place it first takes a lot of processing, a lot of work, a lot of grief therapy.

If all of my energy is spent raging at the twisted inequity of losing my mobility and the way I lived my life, I won’t have any “brain juice” left to write, to advocate for the condition, or try and support the spinal CSF leak community via my volunteer work.”

Like Shoresy and Nat, Jodi has a lot of love to give.

Thanks to her ongoing process with acceptance, Jodi has freed up that love and “brain juice” and found a place to put it. 

She writes and shares her journey at Jodi Ettenberg.com, was elected President of the Board of Directors for the Spinal CSF Leak Foundation, and has given virtual talks to conferences, all from the confines of her bed.

And just this past week, she authored her first public study in the American Journal of Neuroradiology.

She also shares a fun newsletter with her favorite links and discoveries, which I look forward to every month!

Where are you putting your love?

We all have love to give, and our identities can be taken from us or our lives can change in an instant.

If you’re struggling to find a place to put your love, you’re not alone. It can help to remind ourselves, “If you don’t know where to go, go where you’re needed:”

Join a volunteer organization, donate to a worthwhile cause, or lend a hand to a friend or family member in whatever way you’re capable. 

If you’ve found meaning by already going where you’re needed, thanks for doing what you do. I salute you!

-Steve

P.S. I’d love to know if this essay resonated with you, I’d appreciate it if you shared it with one person who you think might benefit.

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