Have you tried talking with your friends about TV shows lately?

Me: “Have you seen The Bear? It’s on Hulu and the new season comes out soon!”

Them: “No, but have you seen Righteous Gemstones? It’s on MAX.”

Me: “No, but I’ve been meaning to watch it! Have you been watching Andor on Disney+? It’s the best Star Wars content ever!”

And this continues until the end of time.

We used to all have the same cable TV, with all the same channels, and we had to sit down at the same time to watch the same show or we missed it! We watched Family Matters, or Friends, Seinfeld, etc.

But then TV got “un-bundled:”

There’s now infinite shows, spread across a dozen streaming services that are all separate from each other, and all of these shows have passionate fanbases.

That’s not the only thing that got unbundled. 

So did our physical fitness and our social lives. 

This is why it’s so hard to find time to exercise or spend time with friends!

Our physical fitness has become unbundled

Back in the day (think caves and spears), we exercised to survive.

If we didn’t find food or hunt, probably walking miles and and miles, we wouldn’t eat. And we wouldn’t survive.

So, the idea of exercising voluntarily (to burn extra fat) wasn’t even a thought, because we got more than enough exercise simply trying to survive day to day.

As the agricultural and industrial revolution took place, walking and “physical activity by default” still played massive roles in day-to-day life.

Fast forward to now, and we’re still those same humans. We just now live in a mismatched environment where exercise is no longer necessary and calories are overly abundant.

Many of us get in cars and drive to an office, (or walk into our home office or sit at our kitchen table) to sit in front of our computers for 7-9+ hours per day.

This means if I want to “exercise more:”

I have to find ADDITIONAL time outside of the rest of my day-to-day responsibilities. I can usually convince the voice in my head that “exercise is good for me and I’ll feel better after I do it.” 

But what about friendships? 

That’s yet another thing that requires additional time now too!

Our social lives are now unbundled too

In Bowling Alone: the collapse and revival of the American community, Robert Putnam lamented the decline of in-person meetups and community connection across all of society.

We’d all probably agree with this sentiment, right?

What’s crazy is this book was written 25 years ago!

The unbundling of human connection has only accelerated since then: fewer community centers, less “in-office” work and more “work from home,” Amazon delivery, fast casual dining, reduced church attendance, etc. 

This all leads to more time spent home, often alone, connected but disconnected.

We no longer have default socialization with coworkers, our friends have moved, and connection has moved to the cloud

We’re all busy, burned out, and socialization with other humans isn’t a default part of daily life, but rather something we must choose and find ADDITIONAL time for.

And that feels like a lot of effort, especially compared to the endless digital funhouse that is our home entertainment setups:

We can plop down on the couch, put on ANY movie or video game ever, on an 80-inch 4K TV with surround sound, while scrolling on our phones for even more dopamine hits. 

We can see the funniest memes on the internet, send quick texts to our scattered friends in group chats, and never have to leave the house! 

20 years ago, we might get bored and feel the urge to get off our butts, go touch grass, and hang out with friends or go do something.

Now we don’t have to ever experience boredom or loneliness…we can numb those feelings with technology.

All of this unbundling and individualization of our lives comes with tradeoffs:

Some of this is great – we don’t have to socialize with certain people by default, and we can choose how (or with whom) we want to spend our time.

But that also requires way more effort (and additional time) to prioritize hanging out with friends.

We’re all so tired and burned out and that more often than not we don’t take that extra step, and instead opt for the easy comfort of “couch + text messages.”

After feeling disconnected from my community and spending a bit too much time in my hobbit hole, I decided to listen to that feeling of “hanging out with people makes Steve happy.”

And I started re-bundling my life.

Steve Rebundles His Life

I attended a creator meetup last month, and ran into three people I knew but hadn’t seen in years. 

We all said the same thing: “I’m so glad somebody set this up, and I’m so glad I said yes! Let’s hang out more.”

And we have! 

• Last week, I met up with one of those friends at a coworking space in my neighborhood.
• I bought a tennis racquet (something I haven’t played since high school) to play tennis with friends who I just found out play Tennis. 
• I committed to a golf trip this summer with all my college buddies, and I’m excited to spend that time with them.
• Tonight, I’m going to the movies with a friend. 
• Later this week, I’m attending a creator meetup for fellow writers and internet nerds. 

Like exercise, I’m working out my “say yes” muscle and sometimes even taking the initiative myself to invite people to stuff.

It requires effort and practice, and making it a priority.

So, whenever I can combine a hobby (or a workout) and friends, I know I’m far more likely to do it and do it consistently.

What can you rebundle?

Everybody is desperate for more connection these days, so why not combine some of our favorite things and our favorite people?

A few years back, I wrote an article on Nerd Fitness about temptation bundling: Specifically, combining something you love with something you know is good for you. 

(Think “listening to favorite audiobooks” only while exercising.)

I realize “combine friends and fitness” is neither novel nor groundbreaking…but I hope this serves as a good reminder that we can just do stuff!

We don’t need to overcomplicate things, but we do need to take a chance.

We can combine our friends and fitness: 

• joining a pickleball league
• finding a hiking meetup
• joining a gym or neighborhood workout club.

We can also combine our friends with our hobbies (or make new friends): 

• book clubs
• knitting clubs
• trivia or board-game clubs 

Of course, saying YES when we get invited is a good first step. 

But nearly everybody is just waiting for somebody else to send the ““Hey, wanna go do this thing with me?” text. 

YOU can be that person who does the inviting:

Can you invite a friend on a walk?

Can you start a 2-person book club with them?

Can you invite them to come with you to the museum?

Your task: invite a friend to ‘rebundle’ part of your life with you.

Whether it’s combining friendship with fitness…

or friendship with one of your hobbies…

Invite one friend to do something with you. 

I promise they’ll appreciate the invite, and maybe even say yes.

-Steve