I’ve been on quite the “amazing human” documentary kick lately.

Documentaries about humans doing incredible things (or incredibly hubristic things) worthy of a documentary…

That I have absolutely NO DESIRE to do personally.

Let me share these docs (in case you need something to watch!), and then the funny lesson I’ve learned from watching all of them.

1) I’m in love with 100 Foot Wave, a docu-series on HBO Max, which chronicles the life of big wave surfers chasing a literal 100-foot wave off the coast of Nazaré Portugal. The cinematography is breathtaking, the soundtrack is incredible, and you’ll fall in love with these characters (Cotty is my favorite).

I grew up surfing tiny waves at Nauset Beach on Cape Cod, while watching Step into Liquid repeatedly on DVD.  I’m in awe of what these surfers are doing on waves the size of buildings. 

Also, I have NO desire to ever surf any wave larger than a few feet. HARD pass.

2) I just finished watching Titan: The OceanGate Submersible Disaster on Netflix, a heartbreaking look at the cost of hubristic narcissism…

but even in a perfectly safe submarine, I have NO desire to get sealed into a tube to go deep underwater. I’ll stick with shallow SCUBA Diving and playing Subnautica!

3) Free Solo, which won the 2019 Academy Award for best documentary, chronicles the most insane feat I’ve ever seen; climber Alex Hannold climbing El Capitan in Yosemite National Park WITHOUT A SAFETY ROPE. 

I was moved to tears by the end while also was just shaking my head throughout. They make ropes for a reason, dude!

4) The Rescue, the National Geographic Documentary on Disney Plus about the cave-diving volunteers who rescued the Thai Soccer team trapped in a cave, restored my faith in humanity and cooperation. I was an absolute blubbering mess by the end of this, because it’s so amazing.

At the same time, the idea of SCUBA diving through underwater caves fills me with absolute dread. That’s a HARD no. 

I had a funny realization as I was reflecting back on these documentaries: 

I have NO problem watching a show or movie or witnessing greatness when it comes to activities or experiences I want nothing to do with. 

But then I can get myself into trouble when I forget to apply this same logic to stuff I think I want…but don’t want to do the hard work of attaining it.

It’s the things I “kinda want” that get me in trouble

There’s an amazing quote from 8 Time Mr. Olympia winner, Ronnie Coleman:

“Everybody wants to be a bodybuilder, but nobody wants to lift no heavy-ass weights.”

Artist Austin Kleon said it similarly:

“Lots of people want to be the noun without doing the verb.”

We want to “have written a book,” but we don’t want to do the daily drudgery of agonizing over a keyboard for years.

We want to “have run a marathon,” except we don’t want to get up and train at 5AM every day for months. 

We want to “have retired early,” except we don’t want to live below our means and invest wisely for decades.

We want to “have washboard abs” except we don’t really want to become militant and calculated with our nutrition for a decade, saying no to any joyful food or beverage (in addition to genetics, privilege, etc.).

The problem isn’t that we don’t have the dedication required.

It’s that we can’t or don’t actually want to do the insane work required!

AND THAT’S TOTALLY OKAY.

I used to be guilty of this more than anybody, and it sent me down plenty of wrong paths.

It’s easy for me to feel less than when I see acquaintances who are more successful than me (based on MY metrics) or receiving accolades or prestige for their work.

My brain tries to tell me: “If you just wanted it more, if you weren’t so lazy, you TOO could have that level of success and fame and fortune!”

And yet, I don’t live like them! Or have their experiences! Or work the way they work! I don’t want to make the sacrifices they’ve made! I don’t want to do everything they had to do to get there! 

Fortunately, here’s what I’ve done instead.

Is the juice worth the squeeze? Do I even like juice?

For the past five years, I’ve gotten to know myself, and my strengths and weaknesses, better.

And I’ve internalized a quote from investor Brett Beshore:

“I am perfectly happy watching you get very rich doing something that I would never want to do.”

When my brain is feeling FOMO, or tries to make me feel “less than,” or compares my day-to-day life with somebody else’s “highlight reel,” I ask myself:

“Is the juice WORTH the squeeze to you?” Do you ever like that juice?”

The answer is almost always “I don’t actually want that thing” or “I’m not willing to do the work to get that thing.”

Just as I can appreciate people surfing 100-foot waves without comparing myself to them…

I can hear stories of people getting very wealthy, or getting recognition for their work, or having experiences that seem great…

I allow myself to “let go” of unnecessary expectations because I don’t actually want those things, nor am I willing to put in the work to get them.

I remind myself to keep my eyes on my own scorecard, and do what’s best to help me, Steve, put good work into the world and be a bit better today than yesterday.

Everything else is just 100-foot waves.

What’s one thing you admire that you NEVER want to do?

What’s one thing you kinda pretend like you want, but aren’t actually willing to do the work for: 6-pack abs, early retirement, running a marathon?

Can you give yourself permission to treat the second thing the way you treat the first?

Admiration, and acceptance that you don’t need to have that expectation.

-Steve

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