“Well, it’s easy. I just threw away all the parts that weren’t ‘Steve.’”

I had been sitting with my friend Josh Kaufman in Colorado. 

I was struggling to make progress on my secret writing project I’m not allowed to talk about (but somehow manage to keep talking about). 

And I asked him for help finding the path through the chaos. He read my project and instantly fixed it:

“This part you’re trying to sound like Mark…”

“This part you’re trying to sound like James…”

“This part you’re trying to sound like Oliver…”

(You can probably guess which writers I’m referring to here. I’m fortunate to know them and admire their work!)

But his next response hit me in a way I hadn’t expected:

“The REST of this? It’s pure Steve. It’s ‘Maximum Steve!’ And Steve is “enough.”

I didn’t really know who I was

I’ve been on quite the journey the past few years, both personally and professionally. 

The future I had envisioned was gone, and I wasn’t sure what was gonna take its place.

I also realized I didn’t know who I was. Or rather, I hadn’t done the work to really accept who I was.

I have strong people-pleasing tendencies. I can be a social chameleon easily to make new friends or when the situation requires. I had also spent 12+ years writing articles that appeased the “Google algorithm gods” so that I could make a living with Nerd Fitness.

But all of that came at a cost.

I often gave away so much of myself that there wasn’t much Steve left over.

For the past few years, I’ve been figuring out who the heck I am underneath and how I want to show up in the world. 

Through my writing, mindfulness, therapy, journaling, and all that good stuff, I’ve learned more about who “Maximum Steve” is, and have worked hard to accept I might already be enough.

This newsletter, the one you’re reading, plays a big part in this.

I like writing for real people (that’s you), with real lives and real challenges, and do my best to share my thoughts in hopes that it might help them too.

As a delightful side effect, I get lots of real responses from real people (that’s also you!). I read every reply that comes in, and some of those responses have moved me to tears.

Maria replied to my newsletter about my challenging 2024 and shared a line from Roger S., Keyes’s poem, “Hokusai Says:” 

“Hokusai says look carefully.
He says pay attention, notice.

He says keep looking, stay curious.
He says there is no end to seeing.

He says look forward to getting old.

He says keep changing,
you just get more who you really are.”

You might be thinking, “Steve, that’s a KILLER line, but who the heck is Hokusai?” 

Hokusai and the Great Wave

You might not know the name “Hokusai,” but you definitely know his work. 

Hokusai was a 18th century Japanese artist and painter, most famously known for his woodblock prints, including “The Great Wave Off Kanagawa”:

Let’s dive deeper into Keyes’s poem and that line: 

“He says keep changing,

you just get more who you really are.”

I’ve been thinking about it nonstep since I read it and how much it rings true. It makes me realize how much “Maximum Steve” was hidden behind other parts.

The parts where I changed myself to be agreeable. The parts where I tried to impress people that I didn’t even like. The parts where I compared myself to others on some metric that didn’t actually matter.

It’s been a journey inward to find the courage to share more “me” outwardly:

Somebody who wants to help people not feel alone when things don’t go according to plan.

Somebody who loves people and gets curious about random stuff (like Wabi Sabi and words like Anemoia and anthropology).

Somebody who wants to help people become the best possible version of themselves.

Somebody who shares his challenges and mistakes and struggles, so that we can get through life together.

This newsletter is that journey, and I”m glad you’re on it with me.

Becoming More of Who We Really Are, together

I got some great advice from my friend Tim Urban (who writes the incredible blog, Wait But Why) last year after my life took a few left turns: 

“When you put yourself back out there, your mission is to be the MOST STEVE version of Steve you can possibly be.”

I’ve accepted this mission.

I hope you can choose to accept a similar mission for yourself: 

Becoming more of who you really are by stripping away the parts that aren’t you:

The parts that feel “less than” because of comparisons to fake reality on Social Media

The parts where you try impress others by being somebody else.

The parts that feel like who you are isn’t enough. 

The version of ourselves we probably used to be until it got buried.

Of course, this doesn’t mean we are saying “I am who I am and everybody else must accept it!”

But rather, we are excited to change and keep working on becoming a better version of ourselves. A version of ourselves that reveals the best version of ourselves that was already underneath.

Which is hard as hell!

We have to sit quietly with our own thoughts (ugh), and be curious about them. We need courage to listen to the lesson life is trying to teach us (instead of avoiding it). We need to have uncomfortable conversations and be okay with NOT being everybody’s cup of tea.

(I’m really going to struggle with that last one!)

So, do you accept this mission? 

What parts of yourself can you work on to become more of who you already are? 

Where are you trying to be somebody else, or impress somebody else? 

If you were already enough now, what would you do differently?

By the way, Hokusai was no slouch when it came to memorable quotes:

“Nothing I have done before the age of seventy is worth bothering with. Not until I was seventy-three did I begin to understand the structure of real nature, animals, plants, trees, birds, fish, and insects.”

I like to think everything before 40 has been training for what comes next: putting Maximum Steve out into the world.

I can’t wait to see what I become by 70. 

Hopefully the most “Steve” version of Steve ever.

I can’t wait to see what you become too. 

Hopefully more of who you already are.

-(Maximum) Steve